I'm a Fag Hag

My Gay Pride adventures this year didn’t turn out the way I expected. I didn’t get to have mayhem and adventures with my partner in crime like last year. I didn’t get so drunk I almost puked on my partner in crime’s shoes like last year. I didn’t get to watch and giggle while my partner in crime talked to strangers and took pictures for me like last year. I didn’t get to sit in comfort with a shiny tiara on my head and watch the parade like last year. And most importantly, I didn’t get to wear my shiny new rainbow wig that I ordered just for the occasion cause I didn’t realize it was shipping from freaking Canada. But no worries, I’ll have it today and that just means I’ll have to wear it when I go grocery shopping. Anyway, what I’m getting at is that 2011’s pride wasn’t the same as 2010’s pride. And I should of realized that. You can’t repeat moments in real life. Not exactly at least.

I spent Saturday wandering the Gay Pride Fest at the Waterfront all by my lonesome. This involved rain and sitting on a uncomfortable metal bench while watching fire dancers and more rain. I lasted about an hour and a half before I left for home. But at least I got one sister hug for my trouble. But I spent it alone and being a wallflower and not being brave enough to venture into a Gay Bar to get my drink on. I need to get better at the mingling thing.

Sunday I spent in the Pride Parade. Yes, I said in not at. Cause I found out a few days before that the Portland Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence were looking for people to march with them. I jumped on the chance, of course. I’d be crazy not to – I’ve mentioned that I’m a bit of a Fan Girl of the Sisters, right? Anyway, I told my hubby my plans and surprisingly he said he’d drop me off and then go to the end of the parade route and watch. He never joins me for my gay adventures so I was freaking thrilled about this. I was even more thrilled when while we were getting ready on Sunday morning, he asked me if he could march with me. That’s right, hubby and I marched with the Sister’s in all their sparkly glory. And he loved it! I even got him to wear a HRC sticker (did you know Google adds a rainbow to their page when you Google Human Rights Campaign?). I think the highlight for him was seeing his co-workers on the sidelines watching in shock as we walked by and waved.

I had so much fun being around the sister’s and seeing the parade from another angle. There was so much love and joy and community there. I felt so welcome – especially with the people recognizing me from Facebook and all the hugs and kisses. Having hubby there with me to get a peek at my world made it even better. And the Sisters welcomed him just as they did me. We both smiled and laughed so much that our faces hurt.

I got to see more Sister’s in one location then I ever have. And while I didn’t get everyone’s name, I did get at least smiles from all of them and hugs and kisses from quite a few – I still had blue lipstick on my cheek when I got home. And most importantly I got to introduce these wonderful people to my hubby.

I want to thank everyone for letting us share the day with them – we had a wonderful time and if it’s an option next year, I’ll be there to march again – hopefully with hubby in tow. And I also plan to try to get a booth at the Fest to sell my jewelry next year.

My only regret is the lack of pictures cause we were too busy absorbing all the loveliness to take pictures. Although I’m pretty sure we ended up in a few. So, if you see a fuzzy headed chick in a black and white dress next to a dude in a Boston Red Sox hat in any of the pride photos, that’s us.

It’s that time of year again – Gay Pride Month! It’s like Christmas for Fag Hags – and other members of the LGBT community, too, I guess. I just wish gifts were involved.

Next Friday, Saturday & Sunday, will be filled with glorious gayness, rainbows, glitter, pride and booze. And I plan to be a part of it, of course. I had also planned to bring my best girlfriend, my partner in crime, Lysandra, with me but she’s not going to make it – something about work or something. Stupid work. Who came up with the idea in the first place? I’d like to slap them…

I’ve talked before about being shy, full of fear and a bit of a wallflower, right? You should know this stuff, it’s going to be on the test. These things cause a problem when I want to go somewhere and no one wants to go with me. I usually just end up staying home. But not this time, nope.

I’ve come a long way this year – socially, at least – I’m working on the other stuff. I’ve gone from being shy around the Sisters to getting hugs and holding actual conversations with them. I’ve gone from standing in the background and watching Lysandra do all the dirty work to actually participating in conversations with strangers. I haven’t gotten to the point where I can randomly talk to a stranger yet, but I’m working on it. I will not go back into my wallflower closet. I will go to Gay Pride – even if it’s by myself – and I will have a fucking fabulous time, damnit!

I had big plans for this pride – I even shaved my head and bought a rainbow wig in preparation. And there’s been talk about me wearing a dress and fake tattoos even! I was going to drag Lysandra to gay bars and get drunk. I was going to get Lysandra to march in the Dyke Parade with me – I know I’m welcome to do it alone since I’m an Ally, but it’s more fun if someone’s with me. I’m a little dissapointed that I won’t have her with me to take awesome pictures and hug on me and try to get me to dance with girls, but I’m going to do my best to channel her and have a good time.

Wish me luck! (And feel free to say hi if you see my fuzzy head or shiny rainbow wig).

I live my life in fear. And not just of spiders, getting cancer or car accidents. I’m afraid of talking to people because I may say something wrong or mean. I’m afraid of what people may think of me. I’m afraid of doing things cause I might get hurt. I’m afraid of trying things cause I may do it wrong. I’m afraid of failing.

I also have dreams. I dream of having my own jewelry shop. I dream of having a coffee shop with my hubby. I dream of becoming a computer programmer and creating brilliant computer programs that would improve my life. I dream of creating things from any and every medium I can. I dream of succeeding at something. I dream of being fearless.

The problem with having fears and dreams is that the first kills the second. Most of the time. Sometimes, a dream sneaks past the fear and makes it to the light of day. It helps if I don’t over think it and just jump in feet first. It also helps if that dream makes me feel happy and giggly and just “right” when I think about it. It helps if I can picture myself doing it.

I’m an artist. With beads, mostly, but I want to do so much more then that. I want to learn to sew and make great bohemian tye-dye creations. I want to learn to knit/crochet and make cute/fancy hats and stuffed creatures. I want to write hilarious stories and profound poetry. I want sculpt and form things out of chocolate and sugar. I want to make desserts so wonderful you’d give me your first born child just to taste one. Basically, if I see something creative or artistic on TV, I want to learn to do it. I have a list. One that I’ve always been pretty sure would be nothing but a list with nothing ever checked off on it. I was wrong. I will be checking off one item very soon.

Recently, I told hubby that I want to be a chocolatier. Hubby says “You should.” So, on a whim, not really expecting anything to come from it, I googled cooking schools in Portland and requested more info from Le Cordon Bleu which has a pastry and bakery program. The material I received gave a list of the delicious chocolate and sugary goodness I’d learn to make that included all the things I’ve always wanted to learn to make and that sold me. So, a couple meetings later and I’m officially enrolled at the Le Cordon Bleu in Portland for the 9 month program for a certificate in Pastry and Bakery Arts. I start September 26th. I still have to get the finance part set, but it’s pretty much a sure thing.

I am so very excited about this new path. As soon as I decided to go for it, I just knew it was the right step. I believe everything happens for a reason so I know this is what I’m supposed to be doing right now. I’m not doing this to make a career of it. Or to become a famous pastry chef. I’m doing it becasue I want to. Because it’s something I want to learn. I may fail, but at least I will have tried.

Now, I’m dreaming about creating chocolate sculpture center pieces and wedding cakes (specializing in gay weddings, of course) and figuring out how to add coffee and/or bacon to every dessert I learn to make. Such lovely, sweet dreams….

Embracing the Rainbow

Waiting for our coffee in Starbucks one morning, I noticed the shoes of the lady in front of us – Keds style slip on sneakers all sparkly and silver. I turned to hubby and said: “I need those.” and pointed to her shoes. Hubby agreed, until I said “but only if they’re in rainbow.” The thought of sparkly rainbow shoes brought to mind a full-on-all-over-head-to-toe rainbow look for this year’s Gay Pride. My original plan was to wear sparkly, rainbow pasties over my boobs or do full on body paint. Hubby was OK with this look idea but was convienced that I wouldn’t go through with it cause I’d be uncomfortable being nearly naked in public. He’s right. So, full on wacky rainbow outfit it is instead. I don’t know if I’m going to make, up cycle or buy this outfit, yet. Right now, I’m just trying to figure out my dream outfit…any suggestions? I know I want to include a wacky hat or head piece and definitely a piece of jewelry – that I’ll make, of course.

I also want to attend both the Portland and Seattle Gay Prides this year cause they’re a week apart and Seattle’s only a three hour drive away. The only thing stopping me right now is money. So, here’s hoping I can sell enough jewelry/crafts between now and then to afford a weekend trip to Seattle. Maybe I should start a “Send Sarah to Seattle Gay Pride” fund. And here’s hoping Lys can go with me, otherwise, I’m kidnapping my sis in law who lives in Seattle and taking her with me…

The Interwebs is Where I Keep My Friends

I love the internet. And not just for it’s shiny distractions, games and slash fan fiction. I love the internet because it’s where I’ve made some lovely personal connections I wouldn’t have made in real life cause I’m so damn shy. The internet is where I met my British tribe member who I hope to someday meet in real life. It’s where I connected with the Sisters. As a matter of a fact, if it wasn’t for the internet, specifically Facebook, I’d never have met any of the Sister’s in person – the internet tells me when cool events are happening. And the internet lets me tell people where I am so they can say hi. That’s how the Sister’s knew who I was and approached me first – I’d never have had the courage to approach them myself first. So, I have the internet to thank for all the Sister hugs I’ve gotten and will get in the future. Also, if it wasn’t for the internet, I wouldn’t be able to create my Tribe because Craig’s List only exists in the interewebs. As does this blog. Which someone stumbled upon and then filled out a application! I love the randomness of it. I also love that he’s not a local but still wants to join the tribe. I’m all about virtual tribe members. Cause, like I said, I love the internet.

Shiny New Application – #12 (my responses are in red)

From: Bryan
That’s my bro in law’s name. Even spelled the same…

Your Sexual Identity
Gay (crossdresser)
Awesome. And ironic considering that the man you share a name with constantly gets hit on by cross dressers/drag queens/transvestites.

Location
Knoxville, TN

Age
29

Looking for a Fag Hag.
* selected

Do you currently have a Fag Hag?
No :(
That is sad.

What do you expect from a Fag Hag?
Since we live far away, mostly communication and someone to talk to and share things with. I’m new to TN and dont have many friends so it
would be nice to have an email buddy
Sounds perfect. I love internet friends.

What should a Fag Hag expect from you?
See above

Why do you wanna join my Tribe?
I so desperately want a fag hag and you sound like an awesomely fabulous girl
*blushes* Thank you. I hope I live up to that…

What can you bring to a Gay Tribe?
I’m funny
Into girls clothes so can bring a unique perspective from a male and female side
Humor is good. Unique perspective is good. And I have to say, I have a special place in my heart for cross dressers.

Do you play well with others?
Of course

Give me one random fact about yourself.
I’m a crossdresser but don’t go out in public *fully* dressed
So, you got out just partly dressed? Don’t they have rules about public nudity in TN? Although, I know you can go naked in Oregon if you’re protesting something…

If you were a cup of coffee, what kind of coffee would you be?
Island Coconut
Yum.

What are your favorites – the things in life that you can’t live without?
My DVR, iPod, and clothes
Electronics are lovely, aren’t they? I couldn’t survive without my laptop, phone, dvr or any of the other electronics in my house. Or coffee.

What are your least favorites – the things in life you can live without?
Phone
Work
Ignorant people
I’m with you on the work and ignorant people thing. Totally.

Hope this leads to a new internet friend. I’ll keep you posted…and maybe I’ll write a new ad soon.

It’s been over two months since my last gay adventure. That makes me sad. Hell, it’s been over two months since I’ve gotten out of the house for more then errands or meals. This also makes me sad. As does the reason it’s been so long – I’ve been sick: hacking up my lungs every time I move and/or being drugged up so severely I can’t remember what I was saying five seconds after I start talking. It’s been a nasty, stressful, pain in the ass couple of months. And I’m still sick. Feeling ten times better then when this whole thing started, but I still need the occasional dose of Codeine to keep from hacking up my lungs. However, I’ve gotten better at pushing through the drugs and getting stuff done – it just takes longer. Anyway, you don’t want to hear my complaints. So, on with the post…

In January, I went to Angel’s Over Portland at CC Slaughters hosted by (you guessed it) The Sister’s of Perpetual Indulgence with my darling (you guessed it again) tribe mate, Lys. I should point out that when we arrived at CC’s (way early and after some lovely sushi), I hadn’t slept for over 24 hours. And I had several drinks. Overall, I was quite fuzzy and friendly and giggly. It was a lovely evening. I however, didn’t bring a camera but I did take mental photographs of my favorite moments (in random order):

Watching Lys convincing a total stranger (who reminded me of Frodo) into buying her a drink.
Lys forcing me to molest a shirtless man. And if I remember correctly, she made him help.
Meeting and hugging a local drag queen I only knew of Facebook before. It was actually Lys who remembered their name before I did.
Watching Frodo arguing over something (wasn’t paying attention to what, was too busy being amused) with a shirtless guy in black angel wings.
Getting pulled into a random, glittery, Sister hug while walking to the dance floor.
Rubbing the shaved head of another Sister and having her rub mine.
Watching the police taser a guy while waiting for my ride home.

There was other stuff too, I’m sure, but most of that night is one lovely, gay, glittery blur. I had a ball, though. Always do when adventures involve Lys and the Sisters. I miss my gay adventures. I miss Lys. I miss the Sisters. I need to get out of the house. I need to have a gay adventure. So, who’s going to have one with me? Please? Otherwise, I’m going to have to wait until May when I’m going to a family reunion in Seattle and am planning on dragging as many female relatives as I can to a gay bar/drag show/gay event. Don’t make me wait until May.

UPDATE: I might not have had a camera, but Lys did. See the pretty dancing angel? See the sparkly Sister in the corner?

Before I get to the meat of this post, I should point out that I’m writing this while under the influence of Codeine cough syrup for the nasty sinus infection I’m dealing with right now. So, any typos I don’t catch or any thing that doesn’t make sense, blame the drugs. It’s always the drugs.

And also, hi. Miss me? Well, I’m back now, sort of. I’m not going to promise any schedule or organization or whatnot, but I am going to try harder to post more on this blog and continue my search for lovely, sparkly gay tribe members. My month long bead project for Fun A Day PDX is finished but I’m not going to exhibit it because they expected me to drop off 31 pieces of jewelry to strangers for a week after signing a release form that makes them exempt from all possible theft/damage even if it’s due to negligence on their part and then let them set up my exhibit without my input. I am still glad I made the effort though. While I have other beady projects to work on, I’m not on as much of a deadline/schedule as before so I should have time to devote to my Fag Hag duties.

Anyway, as I said in the title: I want to be a sister. Not an actual sister, cause I’m already that to two wonderful ladies who are the best sisters a girl could ask for. No, I wanna be a Sister of Perpetual Indulgence. Specifically, one of the Portland ones.

I’ve mentioned them here before because I’m a bit of a fan girl of them. I have over 1,000 friends on Facebook and the majority of them are Sisters (Portland and other locations). I go to bingo and other assorted events that they host just to be surrounded by their sparklyness. I squee on the inside when they recognize me in public. I double squee on the inside when they hug me. Hell, i even dream about them. I may have a problem.

I can’t put into words their awesomeness. I can’t even explain why I love them so much. It may be the glitter. It may be that they’re part of LGBT community. It may be their sparkly rainbow auras. But it’s mostly likely their general wonderful attitudes and loving personalities and awesomeness that they do for their communities.

I want to be part of that. I want to do some good for the community i love so much. I want to wear gorgeous, glittery make up that means something. I want to be happy and loving and open. I want to be part of this family. I know they would welcome me. I just wish I believed in myself enough to make the attempt.

I’m wishy washy and shy and give up when things get to hard. I struggle with change and hate it when things don’t go my way. I don’t deal with confrontation well. I have a crappy work ethic when it comes to working for someone else. I can’t deal with gross things or sad stories. I have a massive guilt complex.

I’m pretty sure that most if not all of the things above would keep me from being a good Sister. There’s no way I could attempt to become one if I wasn’t 100% sure I’d be the best one I could be. So, for now, I’ll just live vicariously through them and cherish any moment I get to spend around them. Especially if it means I get lots of glittery, sister hugs.

Hello, my lovelies! Miss me? Of course you did…well I’m back, sort of. I have something very important to say that can only be said in a blog post so I’m coming back from my unintentional hiatus to do just that. But don’t expect regular posts, at least for awhile. I’m doing a lot better since my last post – the wound is still tender but it’s healing – but I’ve signed up for a month long creative project that’s going to keep me busy for most of January so I’m trying not to put too much else on my plate. However, I’m hoping to get back to my regularly scheduled hunt for tribe members sometime in February. So, you’ve got that to look forward to.

And now onto my very important words: Do not watch the movie Back Soon, ever. Not even if you’re being held at gun point. Never. It is a horrible, horrible film. It killed me a little. And not in the good way.

I have a short list of horrible movies that I regret ever watching and that haunt me a little at night: The Wolves of Kromer where being a “wolf” was a metaphor for being gay but they were gay “wolves”. And I use quotes becasue they wore fur jackets – that came off – and tails and thus were “wolves”. The only redeeming part of this film was the musical number in heaven at the end. The House of Yes with incest and Tori Spelling. At least it had Parker Posey in it. And The Fountain with it’s horrible, confusing story line about reincarnation and a tree. Horrible, just horrible. Then I watched Back Soon which flew right over all those previous movies to the number 1 worst movie I’ve ever watched. Ever.

In case you haven’t figured it out, Back Soon is of the gay/lesbian genre – do you really expect me to watch anything else? I knew it was about a guy who’s wife had died and he ended up having a one night stand with a man which made him re-think some things. I was hoping that he would fall in love with his one night stand and discover that he had always been gay but just hiding it and everyone would live happily ever after. That didn’t happen. I could handle my hopes being dashed. I could handle the whole “I’ve always been straight but then I fell in love with one man even though I’ve never been attracted to any other men” thing. I could handle the bad acting with no chemistry and the lack of emotional reactions. But I couldn’t handle the “I fell in love with a guy because the soul of his dead wife is inside me because we died at the same time and meet in the white light and when the doctors revived me i brought back a piece of her soul inside me” thing. Or the “then I got shot and died again and her soul left completely so I’m came back straight again but maybe I could try the gay thing again with this guy who’s wife’s soul was in me” thing. Seriously? Seriously? Can I have my hour and 23 minutes back now?

Even the story line of Socket was more believable. And it was about people getting addicted to being shocked after getting struck by lightning and then surgically installing outlets and plugs into their skin so they could create there own electricity. That movie’s not even on my horrible list.

So, Back Soon = Worst Movie Ever. Do not watch. Got it?

Okay, important message over…I’ll be back soon…

I have a hard time with my own emotions and memories. They’re both fuzzy and unclear and hard to latch onto without them slipping from my fingers or connecting with others. Sometimes I feel like they’re wrong and that makes me a bad person. Or stupid. It’s easier for me to ignore them and hide from the possibility of bad ones. That doesn’t always happen. Sometimes bad stuff slaps me in my face and I can’t ignore it.

I’ve spent the last couple days crying at random and not so random moments and feeling an ache in my chest. Something I’ve been ignoring for years has popped up again and I can’t use my normal method of “ignore it and it’ll go away”. It seems that it’s actually festering a little and that makes it worse. I can’t seem to find the words to express what I’m feeling and even if I could I don’t want to talk about it. But I want people to know something’s bother me so they’ll ask. Maybe if I’m forced to, I’ll talk about it.

I tried writing out my feelings but I’m still unclear and cluttered. I thought writing things down took them away, made you feel better. But not in this case. I’m not like the prospect of actually have to deal with this. I would rather hide in my fort.

So, long story short: I got bad news. I’m not dealing with it well. I might be hiding from the world for awhile and thus there might not be any posts for awhile.

An ad. Just posted. #54.

All I want for ChristmaHanuKwanzaakah is…

…a new gay best friend….

…or a unicorn…

…or Orlando Bloom with a bow tied on his…um, never mind.

Let’s just concentrate on the first item.

So, if you’re a gay man or woman or fit anywhere else in the LGBTTIQQ2SA alphabet and looking for a Fag Hag, I’d love to hear from you.

Things I’m looking for in a new gay best friend:

A sense of humor – mine is twisted and leans towards the cheesy and dirty. And sometimes sometimes completely inappropriate.

A love of coffee – I’d bathe in the stuff if I could.

The ability to encourage me out of my shy wallflower shell – alcohol and peer pressure work best.

A creative/artistic personality – otherwise you’re not really going to understand the way my mind works (actually, I don’t even know how my mind works, but still.) since I fancy myself an artist who sees the world with a unique perspective.

A willingness to go to Drag Shows, gay bars and other assorted gay activities with me so I don’t have to go alone.

If you fit any or all of the above, contact me. If you don’t but are still interested, contact me.

Actual Ad Link

See, I’m not giving up on my quest. Here’s ad #53 freshly squeezed:

I Wish I Knew How to Quit You…

If you get this quote and love love love the movie it came from, then this ad is for you.

Hi there. You can call me Queen Fag Hag. I’m looking for a few good people from the LGBT family to join my little tribe. I want to surround myself with lovely, sparkly people who get me.

I’m a shy wallflower but it’s pretty easy to pull me away from my wall. I’m 32 but I never feel or act my age. I’m married to my soul mate. I’m an artist. I have a twisted sense of humor. I spend too much time on the internet. I’m still finding myself. I’m a gay man trapped in a woman’s body. My favorite color is Rainbow. I believe in unicorns. I have layers.

Intrigued? Contact me to start the application process.

Actual Ad Link